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Rust,
like dirty red ivy
climbs slowly, relentlessly
up the once-vibrant links
of the swingset chains,
insidiously chewing away
at the merry memories lodged there.
A gossamer spiderís web
trails wistfully across the monkey bars
where clutching hands no longer grasp,
laughing yet desperate
to achieve the other side.
The frayed end of the climbing rope
flutters, lonesome in the sighing breeze,
which carries away the dandelion fluff
of a childhood gone to seed.
Here I go again, waxing nostalgic...

So, yeah. Whaddaya think?
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:iconparentheses:
parentheses Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2006
I really, really like this. :) The flow is excellent.
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:iconenigma26:
Enigma26 Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2006
Thank you. :D
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:icontheworldisbeautiful:
theworldisbeautiful Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2006
wow this is writen so good :)
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:iconenigma26:
Enigma26 Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2006
Thank you, and doubly so for the fave! :)
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:icontangerine-dragon:
tangerine-dragon Featured By Owner Jun 4, 2006
Wow. I really love the sense of desperation in this- with the rust growing, and the spider web... this is so well-worded, too. Lovely work, Andrea! :D
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:iconenigma26:
Enigma26 Featured By Owner Jun 5, 2006
why thank you, glad you like :)
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:icontalentwasted:
TalentWasted Featured By Owner May 11, 2006
when I read this It made me think of like a deadly desiese or some sort of cancer...made me think of a metaphoric peom
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:iconenigma26:
Enigma26 Featured By Owner May 11, 2006
Thanks, yeah that was kind of the idea I was trying to get across with the rust---glad it came through :)

Thanks for commenting!
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:iconsisterstyx:
sisterstyx Featured By Owner May 8, 2006  Hobbyist Photographer
oh oho ohohohohohohoh!

very nice, it could be better if you could find a pic to go with it...but yourimagery is good enough...i can't say i like "dandelion FLUFF", not what i would call it , especially compared to your selective word shoice in the rest of it.
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:iconenigma26:
Enigma26 Featured By Owner May 8, 2006
thanks! yeah I wasn't sure, but I've never really heard dandelion fluff referred to as anything else, except dandelion seeds, which just sounds kinda....dumb....idk. Anyway, thank you for the :+fav: :D
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:iconsisterstyx:
sisterstyx Featured By Owner May 10, 2006  Hobbyist Photographer
youre very welcome, well desereved...i think i call it the mane, you know, of a lion, so hairs? i call it a puff or cloud when its still on the stalk....
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:iconhavetales-willtell:
HaveTales-WillTell Featured By Owner May 7, 2006  Professional Writer
Here's your critique, as you requested in this thread: [link]

I like this.

Normally, I come down hard on anybody who uses 'ly' adverbs; they almost always smack of laziness in searching for the right verb. This is the exception. I can picture "slowly, relentlessly"; good call.

(I'm not as happy with insidiously, however; you may want to give it another look.)

Lyric poetry is one of the more difficult styles to write; after all, how much action is there in a snapshot? You get around this limitation by contrasting the present state of decay with the echoes of its former glory. Again, the right call.

And for some reason, I like the phrase "merry memories"; the alliteration fits perfectly.

I do see a tendency to use commas where they probably aren't needed. The one between dirty and red, and the two bracketing lonesome (especially the second one), slow the pace where such isn't required. On the other hand, consider adding one after the word grasp.

When I have more free time, I'll want to explore your gallery; in the meantime, this deserves a fave. :+fav:
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:iconenigma26:
Enigma26 Featured By Owner May 7, 2006
Why thank you! I shall certainly look into your comma suggestions. Much appreciated! :)
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:iconhavetales-willtell:
HaveTales-WillTell Featured By Owner May 7, 2006  Professional Writer
I'm glad you felt I could help. 8-)
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